April, It's been a very dry season

With no showers

Groggy waking up by Substack image generator

Things that seem normal to you and I are no longer normal to Shade. Knowing which person I’m going to get from day to day is the most challenging.

We woke up groggy, we, meaning my lovely daughter. It was noted in therapy by our host, and we worked through it casually. What was not noted was the ponytail of curls, that will soon begin to curl around themselves. They will become the top of an uncomfortable conversation when I ask if she needs help to take care of it.

Yesterday, she felt like conversing, asking if she could get a buzz cut. She’s tired of the maintenance. It seems like it should be normal, to get up, shower, wash your hair, brush your teeth, and put your clothes in the wash. That was how our family was raised, including Shade. These all need supervision from time to time, now. A gentle reminder, or a soft question before going to an appointment.

The therapist may or may not have noticed. But I do. I see the difference in a lovely girl who used to dress up for her husband, just because. This was one of David’s complaints when he called us together to commit her. She couldn’t keep her hair caught up, clean and washed. It’s very curly and difficult when she’s well. Now it is crossing my mind if we should go ahead and cut it some.

I acknowledged her request, but ignored it. Tomorrow will be another day to broach the subject with different light. Not gonna lie, it’s going to hurt if I spent $400 to get her a keratin treatment to help her manage it, then she decides to chop it off.

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Twice now, Shade has said that she doesn’t want to go to therapy. The voices have much input into this objection to going, more than I’m comfortable with. I don’t force Shade to do anything. I do have some non negotiables that she is struggling with, mostly due to interference with the voices being bullies. She continues to reach out to young men with online chat. I don’t get involved until she brings up the conversation. I don’t ask, nor do I stop her, because it does help her to talk to people and use her mind outside herself.

Shade finds someone to talk to, then when she tells me about them, I start the countdown, no meeting anyone until after 30 days of conversations. We’ve not reached that level yet. The young man must be moral, she is pretty good about the dealbreakers mostly, no d pictures, no drugs, or crime, nobody gets ANY money…. Yes, we’ve had that happen. She no longer can determine when people are trying to scam her. She used to be so cautious and vigilant. Not only that, but she even named her dog Vigilance, due to this nature of watching out.

Right now she is visiting with a young person living about 4 hours away. That’s a good distance, until they start talking about meeting up. My husband is firmly against any meet up. David was a dick to leave his wife, and Eddi, nor I will forgive him… not me, not yet.

I do remind her that a marriage is both a moral contract and a legal contract. She just looks at me sideways when she understands. Some days, she does not, and I must remind her. We are going to follow the lawyer’s recommendations, it’s not time for a divorce. It is time for guardianship. We can sort that other stuff out later. In the meantime, it’s just chatting, and nothing else. But these men out there are persistent. It’s so sad to see so many lonely young people.

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The good part is the rapport she has with her therapist. This lady is heaven sent. So patient, gentle, genuinely interested. They get along so well.

I’ll change the wording from “We’re going to therapy” to “We’re going to visit with Ms K” Once we are in the office, Ms K does just fine getting Shade to converse. It’s so amazing to see.

Therapy for Shade has been the place I get the most information. Shade can relate, even though it’s difficult for her, she still relates so many things that she cannot manage to share with me. In the office, she freely just answers Ms K, and it’s like i’m not even there. It’s been a big blessing that they allow me to go with her, otherwise, she would not go at all.

This week, Shade finally explained why she doesn’t enjoy outdoor activities like before. She says that her body feels tight, or compressed, like it’s cramped up into a box. She had some sensory stuff going on the other day too and stayed in bed under the covers. When I went to hug her, she said she could feel the surrounding aliens. Like when a person stands too close and you can feel their presence. It must be very unnerving. Mi pobrecita.

Hair so curly it curls around itself by Substack image generator

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It’s been a nice week for our personal relationship, because I’ve seen so much of my daughter again, instead of these ruffians who keep her mind tied up. Shade has come out of her shell quite a bit this week and even sang while taking a joyride.

We’ve made some changes to her routine:

• No trazadone to sleep

• Caffeine free if possible

• More activity outside the house

• More car rides [until today, tires are going flat 🛞]

• More individual attention away from the boys.

Now if we could get some shower action and get those knots out of her hair.

Eating clean and balanced has been a HUGE improvement. Just balanced planned meals of her choice and less sugar. She loves the Cook Unity meal delivery. I’ll leave a link below. It supports local chefs, provides clean prepared food, and she gets to choose what she eats with only having to warm it in the microwave.

putting dinner in the microwave

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Cook Unity is the meal service Shade requested. #AdLink

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PS: The documents have been prepared and sent off to the court for the guardianship. It won't be long before this uncertain part of our journey ends.

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Stay Positive | Be Blessed | Share Often

LaLa 👋