Full of surprises
Is the least of what to call it...
Our weeks fly by, days kind of drip, though. We are trying mostly to soak up the good moments before we have to make it through the bad ones.
For instance,
For the last few weeks, Divina has been making herself smoothies for breakfast with fruit powdered drinks. It had a remarkable effect on her health. She brightened up, she was sleeping better. Her days were becoming more active around the house. She was becoming creative again.
I wish I knew what the powder base was exactly, but I think it was just powdered fruit juice blends. I’m amiss with myself for not taking better notes on this now.
Then Wednesday, pre-thanksgiving day. I had the blessing of having the day off when we weren’t sure the schedule at work was going to allow it. By Tuesday night, I had the answer, but I didn’t tell anyone at home, nop, not Shade and not Eddi.
Wednesday the boys went off to work normally, Eddi wondering why i’m still in bed, hugged me good morning a let me get back to sleep. [4 AM is killa by the way] Then my body let me get rested and wake without an alarm around 8, while my divine lil nena was still sound asleep. But she heard me creeping round the house… 🪤 She fell into my trap.
Since she mostly operates without a clock or time device, she was judging the day by when she usually hears me rustling around the house to come home for the lunch check. It’s become a very special time together, with quiet, food, peace and togetherness. It only takes a few minutes of attention to connect with our loved ones.
I had scurried around, got a drink, restroom, and went back to the bed to lay in waiting. She got up looked around for the noise thinking its lunchtime wondering what i’m doing in bed. SURPRISE… we have a day together with no appointments or errands…. Because, I didn’t tell anyone.
Her face lights up! She’s so happy and starts with the “What are we going to do today, momma?” Then we get to it.
First stop mother daughter breakfast
>[review here You should always let an establishment know when they make your day!]Got Divina a beautiful holiday sweater with glimmery bows down the back. Just perfect for Tday with her dad’s family.
I did do one errand for hubby, but it gave Shade ride time.
Then we also took a lovely ride out in the country, had the windows down, weather was beautiful and Shade was happy and connected.
We had lots of deep talks.
She was able to get conversations out that had been pent-up for a year since David had left. It was so encouraging to hear her remember and see her feel. Don’t ever take those small things for granted. It was hard, but beautiful all at the same time. She was very present, the young lady who I raised, who became a wife and lost a baby. She felt that loss briefly.
Can you imagine carrying those emotions for years and not expressing them? Can you justify a husband having that knowledge and yet still putting his wife in an ambulance and washing his hands of her?
It seemed like the perfect day. She had a cycle of up and down emotions, but was in good spirits and completely connected.
Then it’s evening, we get home and a package had arrived. A new smoothie! YaY She was excited and seemed like the perfect conclusion to a perfect day.
She made her smoothie to try it. I cheated on the pumpkin pie a day early. We bundled up in her room and watched “The Empress” The 2nd season had started! Another big win for Shade that day.
But her face was not matching her anticipated enthusiasm. She had cornered herself up in the corner of her bed to watch the show. There were some harrowing things going on in the show for sure and her reaction to them was not expected or recognized.
Shade’s eyes were increasingly becoming dark and glazed. She was backing more and more into the corner, little by little. She had taken her sleeping medication and was fighting sleep to watch one more episode when 1 should have been enough.
It wasn’t until Thursday I got the full picture. She was having a very full-blown psychotic episode. The glazed-over look, the pulling back from my touch, the lack of emotion, concern, or sympathy for what was happening in the movie. She was mentally fighting a demon.
She woke up exhausted and sore Thursday, Thanksgiving Day. I was thankful to have her alive with me. I could tell she had a very hard night.
It all just changed.
A whole week of just bright smiling Shade too, fighting off the whole of darkness alone.
Shade has to be cared for her no matter what, up or down, and I will. I’m also looking into the mental health program through my job, because the seesaw of emotion and energy is very challenging, and I’m going to need better tools to manage it.
Also, going to start keeping track of what she eats, because that smoothie had plenty of good nutrition, but also had mushrooms. I’ve asked her not to take it again for a few days, & not take it on days when she’s alone in the house. She agreed, but doesn’t want to give it up. We concluded she could have it for breakfast on my days off from work when we are both together, in case she needs backup! She’s not convinced it had any effect, and it was just the demons misbehaving.
More authors have been recommending Navigating Schizophrenia. I’m confident that Substack is a safe space for those looking for information and help regarding a new diagnosis. There are quite a few loving people and families who are sharing their experiences so that others can learn how to manage and thrive despite what we see on TV or Movies.
Shade is very real, she loves people. She’s introverted, loves music, & listening to the Bible as well as other spiritual writings. She’s a person who always wants to help people, take care of others. Not only that, but she even suggested that since she won’t be having children, maybe we could foster one. It could be a very ambitious goal for her to contemplate, but a good one to have as a north star, too. We will consider it in the future once her symptoms are more controlled. Not sure if any agency would even allow it, but it shows where her heart is focused. She will someday find a way to help others, and right now documenting her struggles is how to get there.
We are grateful for you following our journey. We are looking for ways to thrive along this path. The best way to do that is to share the progress along with others. We will be cross posting substack articles with important points from others experiences. If it is helping us, maybe it will help others too!
Please read other authors bravely sharing!
Stay Positive | Be Blessed | Share Often
LaLa 👋
Maybe a cat or small dog can be helpful. It's been shown that not only the companionship but also the responsibility of caring for another living thing can help alleviate symptoms. A dog in particular can also be a reality check for visual and auditory hallucinations, I've read of others with schizophrenia validating their reality by checking their dogs reactions.