It's been awhile...
Since I've heard from my divine daughter. Her body has been present but her personality, her true self has been disguised as another… IDK 😐 even what to call it.
Today more Identity emerged.
It's a HE
He presents himself as G.O.D to her
He is abusive
He physically punishes her for things she did as a child 🚸 which have not yet been revealed
He is threatening her life, from the inside out
She is in pain and unable to make it stop
Frightened to go to work in the morning, I don't know if I can leave her here in this house asleep and alone until I can return at lunchtime.
I don't know if it helps her know things from the scriptures to refute his attacks. I do share what I learned from church that I tried to teach her as a child.
Believing those teachings is no longer an option to me, but, for some reason, Divina held firmly to a GOD that she identified with as a child at the Kingdom Hall.
She has called me out several times on my comments regarding the religion I jokingly referred to with my brother as “The Cult”. I've been told directly not to say it and it has been the one request I obey in her presence.
The calendar is filled up with reminders to get things taken care of. I used to tell Shade or Eddi to just quickly remind us to get this or that. It is not an option for Shade now. She doesn't have the bandwidth to manage it.
We need more than ever to set in motion a guardianship for her. We're I will basically become her private Personal Assistant.
As we transfer the responsibility back over this direction from her becoming an adult, back to a childlike relationship, I'm once again mourning the loss of my friend and daughter.
My marriage is crumbling around me and it actually may be the most useful thing to happen for Shade's sake.
Schizophrenia is all consuming, ALL consuming. Every minute of everyday is all about preservation of Shade.
To guard her body, her being, her spirit, her life, my Divine Divina. She is back to being an infant soul and requires as much time and attention as a toddler.
Tonight she is tucked into bed, as I sit next to her in the dark. The flinching from the attack to her spine and body is felt all the way to the foot of the bed. All of the attack is in her mind, a delusion. The results are as real as any felt on the outside of the body.
These are powerful medications she is given. Some of the strongest available and the effectiveness of removing the delusions is not very potent. They don't seem to maintain a steady potentancy for being an extended release medicine.
I don't want to make any changes at the moment because this is actually much more stable than before.
The side effects are troublesome as well. They cause rapid weight gain, with the possibility of increasing BP and Increasing fluid retention.
It's not something a young beautiful woman wants to have or feel, and we already were having food distortion from a family of obese genetics. It's not healthy body medicine, it's strictly mind meds.
I have to keep looking for the silver lining because her life deserves and depends on it. But I am as exhausted as a new mother. The sleepless nights are catching up with me. Yet an infant grows to let a momma rest, and that is not going to ever happen now.
🤫 She is shying away from picture taking because of the weight, but she let me sneak this one from our stop at the lake after the hurricane. The sky was so bright after the storm.
I keep hoping we have the same type of outcome from these internal storms.
Only GOD knows
Stay Positive | Be Blessed | Share Often
LaLa 👋